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An Opened Letter to Scrappy Squirrel, esq.

On By Nicole Corlew CurtisIn Uncategorized7 Comments
Scrappy
Scrappy

Well, it has been real. We knew this day was coming, and it has. Actually, it came. I moved out two months ago. Have you even noticed? You probably haven’t missed me. I haven’t missed you either, well, maybe just a little. But I definitely haven’t missed your waking me up at 6:20 in the morning, cracking your walnuts or whatever else you squirrels eat for breakfast. I haven’t missed your scurrying around the rafters, scaring me half to death at night. I certainly haven’t missed your eating my tomato plants or digging up my petunias.

I have to admit, as far as squirrels go, you’re pretty good. And yes, I have even developed a little soft spot for your kinfolks. I shudder ever time I pass one of your cousins splattered across the Cold Gray River (By the way, we humans call it a road). I nearly had a wreck the other day, trying to avoid hitting one of your kindred. He couldn’t make up his mind to cross the road or not, kept darting back and forth. He was kind of squirrely. Ergh, sorry.

Scrappy's 2011 Pumpkin
Scrappy’s 2011 Pumpkin

So I have learned a little bit from you. Will you miss me? Probably not. I think you are still mad at me because I didn’t put out a harvest pumpkin in the fall; but as I said, I moved. I moved. Don’t get mad at me because you didn’t have any seeds to eat. To be honest, I got tired of fighting over the pumpkin with you each fall. Somehow you always won the battle. I think you fought dirty.

What? I don’t know if there are any squirrels in Cape Town. There are plenty of baboons, though. No! I won’t take one of them as a roommate. They are too big and mean. Are you trying to get me killed or something? The only furry roommate I ever plan to have again is a d.o.g. Yes, I know you hate dogs, but they are g.o.o.d. Stop waxing wroth. If you try being nice to them for a change, perhaps they will stop chasing you.

I hope your new roommate will be half as good to you as I was. I don’t think you realized how lucky you had it. What? I was lucky? Hum, I don’t know about that. But I admit, we did have some good times together. I will miss you.

By the way, why don’t you ask out Skiffy, the cute little squirrelette who lives in L-25. She likes you, you know. Yes, for real.

Adieu, my little friend. Mind the Cold Gray River.

Affectionately,
Nicole

“Scrappy” was the squirrel who lived between my ceiling and rafters. He had quite a personality and became a little celebrity among my friends and me. He has kindred all over Nashville. Perhaps you have seen one of them. Since my blog posts have been so serious of late, I thought I would shake things up. However, Scrappy is most offended by this; he finds no humor in his current situation.

Training: Week Three—Grief and Loss and Good-byes

On By Nicole Corlew CurtisIn Uncategorized4 Comments

I returned from training a few days ago, and I’m still processing all I learned. It was truly an amazing three weeks, and I already miss my community of new friends.

We spent the last week of training talking about grief and loss, hellos and good-byes. The life of a missionary is full of hellos and good-byes, and grief and loss are a true reality as missionaries prepare to leave for the field. I know that I have been grieving since the summer, mourning the loss of so many things I love about my life—moving from my city and condo, leaving my job, saying good-bye to my favorite cafes, hangouts, and dear friends. In a few weeks, I’ll be saying good-bye to my beloved family and my closest friends. Sometimes thinking about it is unbearable, but I’m determined to embrace the good-byes and to live into them. It is a part of being a missionary. It is a part of life.

By loving, we take risks. If we didn’t love, good-byes wouldn’t hurt so much. But life is full of risks, and choosing to love others is always worth the risk. When it came to hellos and good-byes, I used to feel like Charlie Brown, who in his typical depressed and despairing state, sang woefully about why life couldn’t be filled with more hellos and less good-byes. 

Earlier this year, I began to change my perspective.  A sermon my rector, Father Leigh Spruill, preached has challenged me to live into the good-byes, to see saying good-bye as ministry. (I invite you to download and listen to the sermon, “Saying Goodbye Is a Ministry.”) Without his sermon, I think I would have been tempted to gloss over the many good-byes in my life with words, such as, “I’ll see you soon. We’ll be in touch. The time will fly by.” They are well-meaning words, but they dull the reality of the loss by not truly acknowledging it. Instead, I’m trying my best to acknowledge the loss, to name what I will miss about the person, and to voice my blessings and well-wishes for him or her in the future. It is a hard discipline, and I often want to cower; but with God’s help, I’m determined to say my good-byes well. Please pray that my last few weeks at home will be full of beautiful good-byes.

Training: Week Two—Stress and Rest

On By Nicole Corlew CurtisIn Uncategorized5 Comments

When I first came to training, I didn’t know what to expect. I have been pleasantly surprised. Each day gets better and better. I’m being stretched and challenged to grow both spiritually and emotionally. But more than anything, I love the amazing sense of community among my fellow missionaries. Although we have known one another only for a couple of weeks, there is camaraderie, fellowship, and loads of fun. It’s a joy to talk with people who are experiencing the same things that I am. My new friendships are a gift.

Playing with new friends at the Olympic Training Park
Playing with new friends at the Olympic Training Park

We spent most of last week talking about stress and rest. We were challenged to look deeply into how we handle stress and were encouraged to cultivate healthy ways to cope with stress. The life of a missionary (especially at first) is one of elevated stress. In my new life everything will be new; and although that is exciting, it is also stressful. For example, I will have to learn how to grocery shop, bank, and drive on the left side of the road. Grocery shopping, banking, and driving are things I can do in my sleep back home (well, maybe not drive)), but even the most mundane tasks will become stressors in my life as I have to relearn them. I need to be prepared, and awareness is the first step.

We also spent significant time on the need to practice Sabbath rest. I was reminded of what we talked about in my huddle group (small group) at church—scripture teaches us to work out of our rest. Ironically, before I said “yes” to God’s call to serve in South Africa, I used to have a healthy rhythm of work, rest, and play. But the past two years have been filled with preparations, and I fell out of that rhythm. I am determined to create a new rhythm of work, play, and rest that will fit my new cultural setting. Living a balanced lifestyle will make me a better team member, a more in-tuned daughter, sister, and friend, and a healthier child of God.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.”Rest by the Lake

–Matthew 11:28-29, The Message

Reflections on Training: Week One

On By Nicole Corlew CurtisIn Uncategorized8 Comments

It’s my third day in Colorado, and I think I’m finally getting used to the altitude—or at least I’m beginning to adapt to it. My altitude-sickness headache has finally gone away, and I think I’m fully hydrated. The weather is really dry, and I’m applying lotion like crazy. I have a humidifier, and it is helping matters. The scenery outside my bedroom window is stark and gray with a gruff and harsh beauty.

Training is going well, and each day is getting better. There are missionaries from various denominations, and they are going to various countries. A young OBY/GYN from Knoxville is going to Cape Town, and a family is going to Johannesburg; so South Africa has a strong representation. (Plus, our main trainer is from South Africa.) I’m the only Episcopalian and “brown spot” here.

So far our training has focused on our own American culture and has challenged us to distinguish our culture from what is universal. We’re learning how to identify potential stressors and obstacles in our lives that will hinder us from adapting to our host country. In a nutshell, we’re learning how to live and to minister cross-culturally.

I’m learning a lot about myself and my personal hang-ups. I’m learning how truly American I am, and I don’t think I will fully grasp this reality until I’m living abroad. Knowing how much I have to learn about my new culture frightens me; I know the learning curve is going to be steep and that I will make countless mistakes. I will have to depend on grace—both from God and the people of South Africa. I know my new South African family in Cape Town will help me to adapt and to adjust and will guide me with love. I am already grateful for their patience.

Grateful

On By Nicole Corlew CurtisIn Uncategorized4 Comments
Sisters
Hanging with Little Sis in North Carolina

The past seven days have been full of change—a tearful goodbye to a guy who had become very special to me this past year, a bittersweet farewell to my work family, a sorrowful goodbye to my wonderful neighbors. I moved out of my condo and left the city that had been my home for thirteen years. I’m back in my hometown; and all of my worldly goods, which aren’t much after the moving sale, are spread among three places. I’m feeling a bit displaced, but it feels good to be back home, to be back in my old bedroom.

The year has flown by quickly, and I can’t believe that in two months I’ll be on the plane to Cape Town. On Monday, I leave for three weeks of training in Colorado. I don’t really know what to expect, but I’m looking forward to it. I just hope I don’t get snowed in.

All year, I have been trying to cultivate a practice of expressing gratitude; and since today is Thanksgiving, I think it is the perfect opportunity to reflect on and to list the people, places, and things that played a significant role in my life this year, for which I am most grateful.

  • My sending committee
  • My work family at The Upper Room for the past 13 years
  • Trevor, Estelle, Michael—my new work family at Growing the Church

    Joey
    Joey Gets a Sweater
  • Joey, my puppy nephew
  • Family holiday in North Carolina
  • My dad, brothers, and Ray, my neighbor, who moved me out on Monday
  • My friend Gina who served as a calm presence and voice of reason
  • My BFF, Anna, who was there for me doing some very tough times
  • St. George’s, my church family
  • My sister Brittany, my constant companion
  • Mom, who spent several days with me, helping me to sort, pack, and clean
  • God, who has provided beyond measure for me
  • The people who hosted support raising events for me
  • My donors and prayer partners
  • The churches that invited me to speak and to share my story
  • My friends who reminded me to laugh and play
  • My friends Cathy, Ralph, and Aileen who brought a bit of Cape Town to Nashville

This is not a complete list, and I have probably left out some important people and things; but I hope you’ll appreciate the spirit of my attempt to express gratitude.

At this point in my journey, I’m reminded of this Dag Hammarskjöld quote: “For all that has been — Thanks. For all that shall be — Yes.”

An Evening with the Sisters

On By Nicole Corlew CurtisIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Rockin the FroI don’t really celebrate Halloween; but I wanted to dress up this year, so I did. When a friend invited me to attend the Vigil of All Saints at the motherhouse of the Dominican Sisters of Saint Cecilia, I wanted to go; so I went, although that meant canceling a previous commitment.

I’m so glad I went to the vigil. After getting over my initial surprise about how young the nuns were (most looked my age or younger) and over the newness of the liturgy, I settled into the service and began to listen to what was being spoken and sung. Two things really struck me. One was the priest’s homily, in which he talked about only one thing being needed in our lives—realizing and accepting that God gave his son for us and responding in love. The other thing that struck me was the sisters’ chanting of the litany of the saints, which for me has shed new light on the meaning of Hebrews 12:1.

Today is All Saints’ Day, and I tend to think of this holy day in three ways—remembering the saints of old, acknowledging the everyday saints of today, and remembering my friends and family members who have died. I never really think of the saints (whether extraordinary or ordinary) who have died as being living saints, but I find it interesting that the writer of Hebrews uses the present tense: “We are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses” (Hebrews 12:1a, NRSV). The saints who have gone before us are a living and breathing cloud of witnesses.

As I continue to think about this scripture, I’m challenged to think about my identity. Over the past few months, I have been struggling consciously and subconsciously about my identity. In two weeks, I will be leaving my job at The Upper Room. I will no longer be able to refer to myself as an editor. I fought hard not to tie up my identity with my line of work, but I did. That’s what we do as Americans. But the other night, when a friend was helping me sort out my clothes, I realized that I had also tied up my identity in my clothes, my shoes, my books, and all manner of stuff. As I’m scaling down my material possessions, stripping down to the bare necessities, I believe God is also stripping down the trappings of my soul, the clutter of my heart.

Who am I, truly? Beyond all the clutter, trappings, and labels, I think I would find God’s beloved daughter and a member of this great cloud of witnesses of ordinary and extraordinary saints.  As the hymn goes, “I sing the song of the saints of God . . . and I mean to be one too.”

*This post is dedicated to two friends and two saints in my life, Stuart and Gina.

Rejoice

On By Nicole Corlew CurtisIn Uncategorized5 Comments

When I can’t sleep at night, I know that I am super stressed or overwhelmed and that it is time to make a change. Last night was one of those nights. But around 3:00 in the morning, in the midst of tossing and turning, I heard a voice speak to my spirit, saying, “Rejoice.” As I continued to drift in and out of sleep, I would repeat to myself as a half-asleep breathe prayer, “rejoice” and “peace.”

I know the voice I heard was God’s, and I have been reflecting all morning on what God is trying to tell me. Why rejoice? 

Over the past few weeks, I have been trying to tap into God’s strength. In no other point of my life have I experienced what it truly means to be weak and to depend on God for total strength. But I’m still struggling to figure out how to be strong in God. I know prayer and scripture reading serve as the foundation of our relationship with God; but to be perfectly honest, I don’t exactly experience a bolt of strength when I spend time with God. Perhaps God’s working is more internal, strengthening me in ways yet unknown.

Joey
Joey isn’t my pet; he belongs to my sister. But he is teaching me loads about unconditional love and rejoicing.

A couple of weeks ago, I ran across this scripture verse: “The joy of the Lord is our strength” (Nehemiah 8:10, NRSV). I remember thinking, Hum. That’s interesting. How does that really work? After last night’s experience, I have decided to spend the next few days rejoicing in God’s goodness and not focusing on my endless to-do list. I am reminded of one of my favorite scripture passages (and Henry Purcell Anthems): “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”  (Philippians 4:4-7, NRSV). Perhaps the “peace” part of my half-asleep breathe prayer came from my subconscious memory of this scripture passage.

I’m going to give this “rejoice” thing a try, and I believe by delighting in God I will find the strength for which I’m looking. Won’t you join me?

Winding Down

On By Nicole Corlew CurtisIn Uncategorized8 Comments

Nashville at NightYesterday it hit me that I have only six more weeks left in Nashville. I thought I had seven weeks left, which felt more like two months; but according to the calendar, I have only six weeks before I move away from my beloved city. Dang that calendar!

I have a ton to do in the next six weeks—transition out of my job, move out of my apartment, send off my visa request, and spend as much time as possible with my friends. But today I found myself thinking about what I am going to miss most about my city. Here’s a short list, not listed in any order of preference; but you can probably figure out which ones are the most important to me:
• coffee at Fido’s
• walks at Centennial Park
• symphony concerts
• Shakespeare in the Park
• the Nashville Opera
• my church
• Gigi Cupcakes
• Sweet Cece’s
• brunch at Bread and Company
• spring/fall hikes at Radnor Lake
• walks downtown
• MacAuthority
• Calypso Café
• Ann Taylor
• brunch at le Peep
• walks around my neighborhood
• mojitos at Rumba’s on summer nights
• tennis at the park
• seeing the skyline at night from the north side

Nashville has been my home for more than twelve years. I will truly miss this place.

*Image courtesy of Chuck Felix / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

God Moments

On By Nicole Corlew CurtisIn Uncategorized6 Comments

At this point in my preparation for the big move, it is easy for me to lose God in the details. But sometimes God surprises me in unexpected ways, reminding me of his faithful presence and guidance along my journey and of his work in the lives of others and in the world.

This week, I have seen God in the young family who invited me over to dinner to talk with their kids about my future work in South Africa. On so many levels, this couple “gets it,” perhaps even more than I do, as they try to cultivate hearts of compassion in their children.

I have seen God in one of my self-defense instructors who has used a family tragedy to help we women better protect ourselves.

Penguin
Penguins in South Africa? Yes. Another God Surprise? Perhaps.

I have seen God in my new friend who is going through a painful breakup. Instead of allowing the pain and hurt to drive him away from God, my friend is turning to God, growing deeper in faith.

I have seen God in a couple who, upon learning of a connection with a mutual friend, invited me, a mere stranger, to their dinner party. At the gathering, I reconnected with some old high school and college friends and I made new friends. This couple has the gift of hospitality and a love for South Africa; I’m glad I can call them friends.

These are some extreme examples of “God moments,” but I believe each day is filled with God’s touches and flourishes. Unfortunately, I’m often too busy to notice them. I’m praying to be more aware of God in my everyday life.

Back on the Mountain

On By Nicole Corlew CurtisIn Uncategorized4 Comments
All Saints' Chapel, Sewanee
All Saints’ Chapel

The carillon is ringing from the tower. Billy and the Boys are picking bluegrass in the distance. Guys are playing Ultimate Frisbee on a nearby lawn. It can only mean one thing–I’m in Sewanee.

A few days ago, I went to visit a good friend in Sewanee. It was the first time I had been on “the Mountain” in a year. To my delight, my visit coincided with freshman weekend. Seeing all the new students with their parents brought back a flood of memories. Twenty years ago, I was one of those freshmen.

Freshmen Weekend, Sewanee
Freshmen Weekend Picnic

As a confident, but somewhat naive freshman, I knew where my life was headed. I was going to major in economics, become a stockbroker, make loads of money, marry, have a few kids, and live the good life. But half way through my second economics class, I realized how much I hated the subject. I would spend most of the class staring out the window, wishing I were majoring in something else. I decided to major in what I love–history.

Life-plan update: major, history. Goal, PhD. Career, history professor
In grad school, half way through my masters’ program, I started having second thoughts about my current career path. After I received my masters’ degree, I decided to take some time off to work in publishing. I had always been interested in publishing, and I wanted to give it a try. I figured I could always go back to school to receive my PhD if the urge was still there. Thirteen years later, I’m still in publishing.

Life-plan update: Interruption, it’s God calling. Goal, to be obedient. Mission, to share and receive the love of Christ
If you would have told my 18-year-old-freshman self that I would be a missionary, I would have laughed in your face. It was nowhere on my horizon. It is amazing where life takes you, and it is even more amazing where God takes you. Although my life is not what my 18-year-old self had planned, it is much more than I could have ever asked or imagined. I’m ready for the adventure that lies for me at the tip of Africa.