Tag: transitions

Training: Week Two—Stress and Rest

On By Nicole Corlew CurtisIn Uncategorized5 Comments

When I first came to training, I didn’t know what to expect. I have been pleasantly surprised. Each day gets better and better. I’m being stretched and challenged to grow both spiritually and emotionally. But more than anything, I love the amazing sense of community among my fellow missionaries. Although we have known one another only for a couple of weeks, there is camaraderie, fellowship, and loads of fun. It’s a joy to talk with people who are experiencing the same things that I am. My new friendships are a gift.

Playing with new friends at the Olympic Training Park
Playing with new friends at the Olympic Training Park

We spent most of last week talking about stress and rest. We were challenged to look deeply into how we handle stress and were encouraged to cultivate healthy ways to cope with stress. The life of a missionary (especially at first) is one of elevated stress. In my new life everything will be new; and although that is exciting, it is also stressful. For example, I will have to learn how to grocery shop, bank, and drive on the left side of the road. Grocery shopping, banking, and driving are things I can do in my sleep back home (well, maybe not drive)), but even the most mundane tasks will become stressors in my life as I have to relearn them. I need to be prepared, and awareness is the first step.

We also spent significant time on the need to practice Sabbath rest. I was reminded of what we talked about in my huddle group (small group) at church—scripture teaches us to work out of our rest. Ironically, before I said “yes” to God’s call to serve in South Africa, I used to have a healthy rhythm of work, rest, and play. But the past two years have been filled with preparations, and I fell out of that rhythm. I am determined to create a new rhythm of work, play, and rest that will fit my new cultural setting. Living a balanced lifestyle will make me a better team member, a more in-tuned daughter, sister, and friend, and a healthier child of God.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.”Rest by the Lake

–Matthew 11:28-29, The Message

An Evening with the Sisters

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Rockin the FroI don’t really celebrate Halloween; but I wanted to dress up this year, so I did. When a friend invited me to attend the Vigil of All Saints at the motherhouse of the Dominican Sisters of Saint Cecilia, I wanted to go; so I went, although that meant canceling a previous commitment.

I’m so glad I went to the vigil. After getting over my initial surprise about how young the nuns were (most looked my age or younger) and over the newness of the liturgy, I settled into the service and began to listen to what was being spoken and sung. Two things really struck me. One was the priest’s homily, in which he talked about only one thing being needed in our lives—realizing and accepting that God gave his son for us and responding in love. The other thing that struck me was the sisters’ chanting of the litany of the saints, which for me has shed new light on the meaning of Hebrews 12:1.

Today is All Saints’ Day, and I tend to think of this holy day in three ways—remembering the saints of old, acknowledging the everyday saints of today, and remembering my friends and family members who have died. I never really think of the saints (whether extraordinary or ordinary) who have died as being living saints, but I find it interesting that the writer of Hebrews uses the present tense: “We are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses” (Hebrews 12:1a, NRSV). The saints who have gone before us are a living and breathing cloud of witnesses.

As I continue to think about this scripture, I’m challenged to think about my identity. Over the past few months, I have been struggling consciously and subconsciously about my identity. In two weeks, I will be leaving my job at The Upper Room. I will no longer be able to refer to myself as an editor. I fought hard not to tie up my identity with my line of work, but I did. That’s what we do as Americans. But the other night, when a friend was helping me sort out my clothes, I realized that I had also tied up my identity in my clothes, my shoes, my books, and all manner of stuff. As I’m scaling down my material possessions, stripping down to the bare necessities, I believe God is also stripping down the trappings of my soul, the clutter of my heart.

Who am I, truly? Beyond all the clutter, trappings, and labels, I think I would find God’s beloved daughter and a member of this great cloud of witnesses of ordinary and extraordinary saints.  As the hymn goes, “I sing the song of the saints of God . . . and I mean to be one too.”

*This post is dedicated to two friends and two saints in my life, Stuart and Gina.

Rejoice

On By Nicole Corlew CurtisIn Uncategorized5 Comments

When I can’t sleep at night, I know that I am super stressed or overwhelmed and that it is time to make a change. Last night was one of those nights. But around 3:00 in the morning, in the midst of tossing and turning, I heard a voice speak to my spirit, saying, “Rejoice.” As I continued to drift in and out of sleep, I would repeat to myself as a half-asleep breathe prayer, “rejoice” and “peace.”

I know the voice I heard was God’s, and I have been reflecting all morning on what God is trying to tell me. Why rejoice? 

Over the past few weeks, I have been trying to tap into God’s strength. In no other point of my life have I experienced what it truly means to be weak and to depend on God for total strength. But I’m still struggling to figure out how to be strong in God. I know prayer and scripture reading serve as the foundation of our relationship with God; but to be perfectly honest, I don’t exactly experience a bolt of strength when I spend time with God. Perhaps God’s working is more internal, strengthening me in ways yet unknown.

Joey
Joey isn’t my pet; he belongs to my sister. But he is teaching me loads about unconditional love and rejoicing.

A couple of weeks ago, I ran across this scripture verse: “The joy of the Lord is our strength” (Nehemiah 8:10, NRSV). I remember thinking, Hum. That’s interesting. How does that really work? After last night’s experience, I have decided to spend the next few days rejoicing in God’s goodness and not focusing on my endless to-do list. I am reminded of one of my favorite scripture passages (and Henry Purcell Anthems): “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”  (Philippians 4:4-7, NRSV). Perhaps the “peace” part of my half-asleep breathe prayer came from my subconscious memory of this scripture passage.

I’m going to give this “rejoice” thing a try, and I believe by delighting in God I will find the strength for which I’m looking. Won’t you join me?

Winding Down

On By Nicole Corlew CurtisIn Uncategorized8 Comments

Nashville at NightYesterday it hit me that I have only six more weeks left in Nashville. I thought I had seven weeks left, which felt more like two months; but according to the calendar, I have only six weeks before I move away from my beloved city. Dang that calendar!

I have a ton to do in the next six weeks—transition out of my job, move out of my apartment, send off my visa request, and spend as much time as possible with my friends. But today I found myself thinking about what I am going to miss most about my city. Here’s a short list, not listed in any order of preference; but you can probably figure out which ones are the most important to me:
• coffee at Fido’s
• walks at Centennial Park
• symphony concerts
• Shakespeare in the Park
• the Nashville Opera
• my church
• Gigi Cupcakes
• Sweet Cece’s
• brunch at Bread and Company
• spring/fall hikes at Radnor Lake
• walks downtown
• MacAuthority
• Calypso Café
• Ann Taylor
• brunch at le Peep
• walks around my neighborhood
• mojitos at Rumba’s on summer nights
• tennis at the park
• seeing the skyline at night from the north side

Nashville has been my home for more than twelve years. I will truly miss this place.

*Image courtesy of Chuck Felix / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A Catholic Nun, An Episcopal Priest, and A Gospel Singer

On By Nicole Corlew CurtisIn Uncategorized2 Comments

No, this isn’t a joke, but it ought to be. And if I were clever enough, it would be.

As I wrote in my last blog post, the past few weeks have been difficult; but I believe they have been full of growth. I don’t think I’ll realize how much I have grown in faith until months down the road. God has used a Catholic nun, an Episcopal priest, and a gospel singer to help me refocus on him.

Mother Teresa

I have always been a huge fan of Mother Teresa, but I have never read any of her books until yesterday. I was verifying a quotation for work and ran across a bunch of Mother Teresa’s sayings in the book A Simple Path. I decided to download it. This compilation of Mother Teresa’s writings has reminded me of my (our) purpose in life—to love God and to love and serve others in Christ’s love. Here are some of my favorite quotations from the book:

“God doesn’t require us to succeed. He only requires that you try.”

“Prayer in action is love; love in action is service.”

“Never worry about numbers. Help one person at a time and always start with the person nearest you.”

“Do not think that love in order to be genuine has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired. Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.”

Episcopal Priest
Earlier this summer, my mom reminded me of the importance of staying focus and of being mindful of distractions. I have stayed focus on my missionary preparation, but I did lose focus about my identity in Christ. The Ephesians sermon series that one of my priests, Fr. Gilliam Malone, is preaching has re-centered me, reminding me that I’m God’s daughter and that I don’t have to earn God’s love. I realized that I expect more of myself than God does. I expect myself to be perfect; God expects me to be faithful. (You can listen to these sermons via your media player at http://www.stgeorgesnashville.org/Media/Sermons. Click on “Ephesians 1: Adoption in Him” and “Ephesians 2: The Necessity of Jesus’ Death.” I haven’t listened to the third installment preached by The Reverend Sarah Kerr, but I know it will be good!)

Gospel Singer
During the hard drive back from Memphis (see my last blog post, “Sacred”), I listened to Marvin Sapp’s album I Win. The songs are full of redemption and hope. I really resonated with the song “Deeper,” in which Sapp sings about how God calls us out of our comfort zone to go deeper with him. You can download the song at iTunes or listen to it for free below via Spotify. (If you don’t have Spotify, it’s free to download; and it’s great!)

*Image source for Mother Teresa photo: http://pinterest.com/sparklyrainbow/

Scared

On By Nicole Corlew CurtisIn Uncategorized10 Comments

Driving back from Memphis Sunday evening, fear and worry began to overwhelm me. Every negative thought that I could possibly imagine entered my head. I admit it; the past couple of weeks have been rough, as the reality of my move begins to settle in. But Sunday evening was particularly hard. By the time I returned home, I was more exhausted and emotionally drained as I was before I left on Friday to spend the weekend with my best friend.

As I said from the beginning, this blog is real. I won’t sugarcoat my feelings. Although I am confident and at peace about what God is calling me to do, it is still hard; that’s just reality. I have less than six months before I move, and I feel the weight of spending every possible moment with my family and friends and those I love. The time is not long enough; it will never be long enough.

Joey Goes Home
Joey Goes Home

I’m beginning to understand why the Bible talks so much about fear. It can mess with your mind so much that it cripples you. Perhaps excitement and fear are two sides of the same coin. Mary was excited and scared when Gabriel showed up with his big announcement. The disciples were excited and scared when they learned that Jesus was alive. Take it down a thousand notches: Joey, my puppy-nephew, was excited and scared when he met his momma (my sister) for the first time. He was so scared that he trembled; but when my sister put him in the car to take him home, he was as happy as a lark. I’m excited and scared about moving to South Africa. On the one hand, it’s exciting to start over: do meaningful work, live in a new city, make new friends, attend a new church, have a new community, live a simplified life. On the other hand, it’s scary: Will I fail at my work? Will people like me? Will I make good friends? Will I be able to overcome the homesickness? I’ll be living on a 1/3 of my current salary.

 I know it’s a rough time that I’m going through, and it will get better. It’s just a part of the process. The hardest choices in life involve risk. I’m willing to take this risk with God’s help.

 

Six Months Away

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As a child growing up, I always heard that time goes by quicker as an adult. I never believed this until I became an adult, and this year seems to be going by in double-quick time.

In approximately six months, I’ll be on the plane to South Africa. I’m excited and scared. Where did the time go?

There are two quotations that have had significant meaning for me this year.

The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”
–Frederick Buechner, Theologian

In my journey to become a cross-cultural Christian worker to South Africa, God has led me to the organization, Growing the Church, where I can serve with deep gladness through my two passions: working with young people and publishing. I am truly thankful for this opportunity to serve others.

For all that has been — Thanks. For all that shall be — Yes.”
 —Dag Hammarskjöld, United Nations Secretary-General and Nobel Peace Prize recipient

I love my life the way it is. I have the best family and friends in the world. I attend an amazing church, and I enjoy my current job. I have an active and good life. As the saying goes, “life is good.” At the same time, I am ready for a change. I can echo Hammarskjöld’s sentiments: Thank you, God, for everything that has been. And “yes” to this new chapter of my life. It’s going to be good.

 

Sweet Sixteen

On By Nicole Corlew CurtisIn Uncategorized3 Comments
Junior Prom
Junior Prom. Look at that hair!

Earlier this year when I started preparing for my support raising talks, one thing hit me that I had never thought about: my 16th year of life played a pivotal role in my life’s journey.

No, it was not your typical teenage stuff—first kiss, driver’s license, and all of that; but three things happened to me that totally changed my world.

Somewhere in Germany
Somewhere in Germany

Trip to Germany. For my 16th birthday, my parents gave me a choice to take drivers’ ed. in the summer and get my driver’s license or to go to Germany with my mom to visit my brother. It was a no-brainer for me; I went to Germany. It was the first time I had been out of the States, and it opened up a whole new world for me. Never again would my world be small and confined; there was a big and exciting world for me to explore.

Seed Planted to Be a Missionary. When I was 16, a faithful and prayerful person from the church in which I grew up told me that God was calling me to be a missionary. It totally freaked me out! That was the last thing I wanted to do. Life went on, and I forgot about this person’s words until I started my missions discernment process a couple of years ago.

Led to Church Home. I was in the choir when I was in high school, and each year we would perform Handel’s Messiah with the Nashville Symphony. My junior year, we couldn’t have our dress rehearsal at TPAC, so we practiced at a local church. I remember walking into the church, thinking it was the most beautiful church I had ever seen. I had no idea what type of church it was; I didn’t even know in which part of the city it was located. I just thought it was beautiful. Six years later, I became confirmed in this church’s denomination and four years after that, I visited this church in my quest for a church home, unaware that I had been there ten years earlier as a 16-year-old. It was St. George’s, my new church home.

So, as you can see, God was doing some major work behind the scenes of my 16-year-old life, and I had no clue. It’s amazing to look back now and reflect on how these pieces have all come together.

No-Go Books

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As I have mentioned several times, my books are going to be the hardest thing for me to part with; but upon a quick glance-through, there are some I definitely plan to leave behind.

Top-10 Books I Won’t Be Taking with Meno-go books

10. Moby Dick by Herman Meville (I never liked this book. I don’t know why.)

9. Henry IV, Part One (only because it has a big rip through the cover)

 8. Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak (I have two copies. I’ll be taking the hardback with me. Had you fooled, right? Doctor Zhivago is one of my top-three favorite books of all times.)

 7. Ernest Hemingway’s short story “In Our Time” (I’ll be taking the complete Hemingway short stories with me.)

 6. The Heart of the Matter by Graham Greene (I didn’t like it.)

 5. Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire by Edward Gibbon (It’s full of helpful information but dry and boring as dust. Plus, it has no chapters!)

 4. Reflections on the Revolution in France by Edmund Burke (same as above)

bookcases
two of my three bookcases, not including spill-over books in corners

3. The Stuart Constitution (I was never into parliamentary history.)

 2. Tennessee: A University Portrait (Why on earth do I have this book in the first place? Someone please tell me.)

1. John Calvin: Selections from His Writings (Oh, my, the writings of Calvin. Enough said.)

 

 

 

Who Am I or Rather—Who Will I Be?

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Let’s face it, sometimes Jesus’ teachings are hard. Sometimes I wish he didn’t say some of the things he said. Take Matthew 10:37­­-39 (NRSV), for example: “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever does not take up the cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Those who find their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.”

I have always struggled with this passage; it makes me feel uncomfortable. God wants us to love our families, right? I love my family more than any people in the world. And who wants to take up a cross, to face known or unknown persecution? Perhaps it is verse 39 that I find most troubling: Aren’t we supposed to find and embrace life? If we lose our life for Christ, we will find it? What does that mean? Help!

 Over the years, I have come to a deeper understanding of Matthew 10:37-39. At the core, I think Jesus is talking about priorities. Whom do we love more–our families or him? As a matter of fact, it isn’t a tradeoff. The more we love Christ, the more we love our families and others. Everything falls into order.

As I prepare to move to South Africa as a cross-cultural Christian worker, I sometimes wonder if I will lose my identity. Whom will I be eighteen months from now? two years from now? three years from now? Will I even recognize myself?

For the longest time, I thought Matthew 10:39 referred to physical death: If we were persecuted and died for Christ, we would find life. But I don’t think that is the main thing Jesus is talking about. I think he is talking about giving up our life—life as we know it—for his sake, to do what he has called us to do. This new understanding of the scripture gives me hope and encouragement. As I give up my old way of life, I think I will find myself. I think I will be more fully me, the Yolanda Nicole Corlew whom God created me to be. And that makes me excited.

Just  for fun–me over the years:

Baby Nicole
Baby Me
With Dad and Little Sister
way back in the day
Mother's Day 2012
with my beautiful Mom